she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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