she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
