So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
