She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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