I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
