Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
