i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
She even gives head with a lisp.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
