apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
