I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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