look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
