we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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