Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
