The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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