Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
