I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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