I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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