I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
