either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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