So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
