yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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