My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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