the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
