My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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