I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
