I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
