I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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