i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
