haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
