I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
