I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
