Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
