yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
