it wasn't lemon gatorade
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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