you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
