he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
