I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
