having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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