After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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