Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
