You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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