I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
