So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
We need to rekindle our bromance
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
