she looked like the before picture.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
