Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
