no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
