They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I woke up under a house in Key West
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