and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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