i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
