He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Cover your peen. We're going out.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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