we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
