i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
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