I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
