in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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