if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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