When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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