I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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