He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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